Fifty Shades of Delusional

I downloaded Fifty Shades of Grey to find out what all the fuss was about.  I started reading for the kinky sex and, even though the writing was terrible and the characters started out unlikable, I kept reading, through all three books, for the ending.  It felt a lot like a big drinking night; fun at the beginning until you realize you are completely plastered and will probably vomit.  I had to find out how much the ending would make me vomit.

To give some background for those who have not experienced these epic tomes, “Fifty Shades” goes a little like the following: Extremely attractive, smart girl (who doesn’t know she’s extremely attractive and smart), Ana, meets extremely attractive, rich, mysterious douche-bag guy, Christian.  Christian pursues (stalks) Ana.  Ana develops a crush (starts obsessing).  Christian draws up a legal agreement to make Ana his submissive sex slave on weekends (happens all the time).  Ana eventually agrees despite knowing she wants more (surprise). This is the point in the story I started getting pissed off…and the kinky sex hadn’t even started yet!

While Ana was debating whether or not she should let Christian flog her in his “Red Room of Pain,” I was trying to decide how this whole thing would play out.  There were three possible endings to the trilogy.  Ana could get her heart broken, maybe some bones too, but gain confidence in herself and become a strong, confident woman.  Christian might get a little crazy with the stalking or the spanking and kill her.  Or they live happily ever after because she “fixes” him.  I wanted the first option but got the last.

Between the kinky sex, obsessive tendencies, emotionally crippling pasts and all the trappings of the obnoxiously rich, a dangerous plot forms.  The real danger in this series is not BDSM sex or dominate/submissive roles, it’s the idea that a woman can love a sadistic, possessive yet likeable man so much that she cures him. 

The fact that these novels are all over the place and what every woman is talking about appalls me.  Right here, in print, is an idealized story of a delusion that I thought women had gotten over.

We all go through this phase and hopefully, most of us get out.  Remember, the guy in college who was an ass but played in a band and seemed mysterious and smart?  Yeah, that guy.  Remember when he played his guitar for you and made you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world?  Sure, he was mean sometimes and could be a real jerk, but that was just because he was misunderstood.  Deep down he really loved you but was just afraid to show it.  He just needed your help; you could fix him.  Whatever happened to that guy?  Oh yeah, you realized he really was an immature douche that only wanted to get in your pants and, as much as it hurt, called it quits, licked your wounds and grew up.

I hope these books leave the collective consciousness as quickly as they arrived but with the movie rights being purchased, I doubt it.  This story feeds into women’s delusions in a much more dangerous way than Nicholas Sparks novels.  Or, as I like to call them, dumb girly shit. 

Throughout the series, Christian has a habit of pushing the limits.  He gets too angry too quickly, he uses sex as a weapon, he stalks his girlfriend and he spanks her a little too hard during a BDSM moment. Immediately after losing control, he realizes what he’s done and apologizes bringing Ana back under his control, um, er, I mean spell.  Sounds similar to abusive relationships to me – berate, beat, apologize and then repeat. 

In “Fifty Shades”, Ana fixes him.  This fact is not merely implied, it’s stated over and over again, drilled into readers’ heads.  The sentiment is expressed by Christian’s parents, friends, ex-submissives, housekeeper, security guard and the list goes on.  There is even an extremely infuriating scene where Ana meets with Christian’s therapist and he tells her, “He’s changed.  You have made more progress with him in weeks than I have in years.  Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.”  I think I just vomited in my mouth a little.

Are you freaking kidding me?  What she “keeps doing” is refusing to leave him when he’s behaved like a crazy person or lost control and hurt her emotionally and physically (it’s not abuse if she agrees to it and it’s during sex).  To put this in the context of a real-life abusive relationship, you can fix a man who punches you in the face by still loving him even though he continues to punch you in the face.

I don’t blame the author.  She’s not a writer (which is painfully evident).  She wanted a project so she wrote her fantasy, self-published and then sold the series as e-books.  She couldn’t have anticipated how popular they would become.  Honestly, she’s an inspiration for creative types everywhere.  Sometimes the world does pick up what you’re putting down and pays $9.99 a piece for it.  Good for her!

I find it extremely saddening that what the world picked up and ran with was the story of a quasi-abusive man being saved and fixed by a woman so blinded by love that she willingly puts herself in harms way over and over.  The trilogy could have ended with her being strong on her own, dead or living happily-ever-after.  I am disappointed at how many women have bought into this ridiculous, delusional happily-ever-after.  Please, please, go back to the Nicholas Sparks dumb girly shit.